This modern day vampire plays by the rules of the game. He is a law abiding vampire. He engages in "blood play" as he terms it, before having sex with his willing homosexual victims, by making a cut on their nipples with a scalpel before sucking their blood. "What happens when you do not have willing victims?" I asked. "I drink my own blood by using a syringe to draw out my blood first. He showed us his arms with swollen veins. This vampire also worships the devil. He wears safety pins on his genitals just to see how much pain he could bear. It turned out that this vampire had been through a lot of pain in his life.

Peter’s parents divorced when he was young and since then, they have separately remarried and settled down in different countries. He stays on his own in a condominium, which he has not tidied for years. Before returning to Singapore to serve his National Service, he had studied overseas on his own. That was when he started dabbling in the occult and paganism. At the point when he returned to Singapore, he had not completed his studies. His father still supports him by sending him money. However, he has not seen his parents for years. Except for his sexual partners, he has no friends. He is a lonely guy who finds solace in the occult and vampirism.

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The story of Peter is just one of the many cases of teenagers who, because of their loneliness and lack of adult guidance in their lives, begin to engage in destructive activities and behaviour in an attempt to elicit attention and to cope with their hurt and pain. This article looks at the teenager’s behaviour and actions as attempts to meet their psychological and emotional needs.
 
 

Growing up in Modern Singapore

Some people believe that changes in family structure and size coupled with dual-income families have contributed to today’s teenagers feeling lonelier. Singapore’s population control policy in the 1970s was so successful that the government had to subsequently come up with various incentives to reengineer its impact. People are having smaller families and dual-income to improve the material aspects of their lives . With fewer or even no siblings, children are increasingly engaging in solitary activities when at home, such as watching television programmes or surfing the Internet. Parents also have less time to spend with their children as both of them would usually be working to keep up with the standard of living. The increasing divorce rate in Singapore, though still small compared to other countries, also meant that more children are being brought up in single-parent families. The custodians normally have to work extra hard to support their children. This again results in less available time for them. When a child grows up spending most of the time by him his social skills can be affected. Hence, he may subsequently have difficulties in relating with other people or in making friends, which further intensify his lonely state.
 
 

The Storms of Adolescence

All of us have experienced loneliness at one point or other in our lives and most of us are able to cope with it through various harmless means. So what makes some teenagers especially vulnerable to responding to loneliness through negative and destructive methods?

Adolescence represents a transitional stage from childhood to young adulthood. Teenagers face many dilemmas and conflicts. On the one hand, society expects them to behave like adults and on the other hand, adults still treat them as if they are children. "Who am I?" becomes an important question. From this question, the teenager sets off towards a journey of self-discovery. While most teenagers are able to survive through this stormy period without much difficulty, there are others who end up feeling lost and confused.

In their search for self-identity, companionship becomes very important. Teenagers frequently seek out peers who are going through the same phase as they are. Peer support and acceptance help to bring comfort and a sense of security to teenager that he not alone in his experience They may find that their parents are unable to understand their struggles and start spending more time with their friends instead. As teenagers can identify with their peers who are going through the same phase as they are more easily, they are also especially susceptible to negative peer influence.

While most youths pursue harmless activities together, some end up joining gangs and taking part in illegal activities, frequenting night-spots, drinking, smoking, taking drugs, engaging in pre-marital sex or even getting involved in the occult, like what Peter did. Most of these activities are carried out in group settings although some of these are engaged by the teenager alone.

Behaviours such as those mentioned above are usually carried out in an attempt to gain attention or recognition. The lonely, the confused and the not so academically inclined teenagers are at higher risks of suffering from low self-esteem in a highly competitive and achievement-oriented society like Singapore. If these teenagers are unable to gain positive attention, they may try to meet their needs by doing "shocking" or socially disapproved things. As the saying goes, "some attention though negative, is still better than no attention at all." These activities and group identity also give them a false sense of importance, belonging, control and security. This can be seen in the case of Peter, who thinks that he has finally found himself and the meaning of life by practising vampirism. There are also others who act tough in order to mask their low self-esteem and sense of inferiority. In extreme cases, they become highly aggressive and defensive so as to protect themselves against experiencing more hurt and pain in their lives.
 
 

Signs to Look Out For

The following are some signs to look out for that may indicate that a teenager is having difficulties. However, they should not be seen in isolation from each other and the reader should not jump to conclusions when they notice certain signs present in the teenager. They should also look for other supporting evidence if they suspect that the teenager is having problems.
 
 

• Social withdrawal or isolation/ Over-involvement socially.
• Aggressiveness.
• Defensiveness.
• Reporting late for work or school frequently.
• Sporting of tattoos and multiple ear-rings.
• Trendy hairstyles and dressing.
• Dropping out of school.
• Low self-esteem.
• Lack of self-confidence.
• Pre-occupation with oneself.
• Loss of touch with reality.
• Anti-social behaviour, like fighting, smoking, drinking, gambling and AWOL.
• Low mood.
• Irritability.
• Psychosomatic symptoms, like frequent complain of headache, poor sleep or appetite, memory problems, loss of concentration and lethargy.

The following are what I find useful in helping a teenager who is encountering problems.
 
 

• Understand the process of growing up. Be aware of the conflicts and dilemmas faced by the teenager in his search for self-identity.
• Build a positive relationship with the teenager.Show genuine concern for the teenager by truly listening, showing interest in his life and communicating an attitude of respect and non-judgement.
• See the teenager’s behaviour as attempts to meet his or her needs. According to William Glasser, founder of Reality Therapy, everything that people do is to satisfy the basic needs for survival, belonging, power, fun and freedom in an attempt to control their lives (Bowman, Gilliland and James, 1994). The need for recognition, belonging, fun and freedom are especially important to a teenager. Having this perspective helps us to understand the motivation behind a teenager’s behaviour and prevents us from judging the teenager from the onset.
• Help the teenager to explore his needs and wants. Ask the teenager questions such as "What are you unhappy about?" or "What do you want to see change in ?"
• Help the teenager to evaluate his behaviour. Ask him questions like "What are you doing?" and "Is what you are doing helping you achieve what you want?" Take for example a teenager who craves for an improved relationship with his parents. However, because of conflicts with his parents, he tries to avoid his parents and goes home late. In this instance, we can ask him whether going home late can help him to improve his relationship with his parents. If not, we can go on to the next step.
• Explore alternative ways of meeting needs and wants. Once the teenager is able to see that what he is doing is not helping him to achieve his goals, he will be more receptive to trying other positive ways of meeting his goals. Discuss and work out a positive plan of action with the teenager.
• Motivate the teenager. Positive strokes are very powerful for reinforcing positive behaviour. Highlighting and recognising small improvements can act as very powerful motivators for change. For example, superiors can praise a soldier who has been habitually late when he comes to work on time.
• Be firm when necessary . Sometimes teenagers like to push the limit to test how far they can go . Deviant behaviours can also be seen as a cry for help from teenagers for adults to pay attention to them and to control them. Convey your expectations of the teenager clearly and set limits with him.
• Instil hope. Convey to the teenager an attitude of belief that he can change even though he may have slipped in his behaviour now and then.
• Act as a resource person. Be approachable, available and interact with the teenager every now and then. Let him know that he can turn to you in times of need. Refer him for counselling if necessary.
• Empower the teenager. Equip him with life skills such as problem-solving and communication skills. If necessary, refer him to the SAF Counselling Centre which conducts workshops on stress management, interpersonal skills, anger management and self-esteem.

There are no easy solutions to the problems faced by today’s youths. Families, schools, units (for those serving National Service) and society as a whole need to work together to combat these problems. It is important to remember that just as teenagers are easily susceptible to negative peer influences, they are as open to positive choices in life with the right guidance.

References:

1. Bowman, J.T., Gilliland, B.E., and James, R.K. (1994). Theories and Strategies in Counselling and Psychotherapy. USA: Allyn and Bacon.
2. Chang, S.C., Gopinathan, S., and Ho, W.K. (1999). Growing Up in Singapore. Research Perspectives on Adolescents. Singapore: Simon & Schuster (Asia) Pte Ltd.